Say goodbye to jolly Santa and say hello to jacked Santa. US creative agency, Gale, and milk association, MilkPEP, are rewriting centuries of milk mythology with comedian, Mary Beth Barone.
They’ve decided that it’s time the holiday lore reflects the true Santa. Santa drinks a lot of dairy milk – each glass including 8 grams of complete, high-quality protein – in addition to working one of the most physically demanding overnight shifts in human history and carrying more weight in a single evening than most people lift all year. Powered by protein, Barone says, Santa’s belly likely isn’t round — it’s probably chiselled with the help of all that milk.
“He’s jolly, yes,” Barone said. “But he’s also running the largest overnight operation on Earth. Flying internationally, climbing down chimneys, lifting thousands of gifts, downing milk — and we’re supposed to believe he’s soft and plump? No. I’m convinced this is a very ripped man in extremely festive clothing. I intend to set the record straight.”
So on December 13, they held the first-ever Swole Santa Contest, that brought a swarm of Santas to Brooklyn to uncover Santa’s true form.
In a fun teaser video posted to Instagram, Barone told her followers, “We’ve been lied to about Santa. He might actually have rosy cheeks and be jacked,” rallying people to join the competition.
Contestants arrived in full Santa costume to be put through a series of challenges designed to test strength, stamina, and holiday grit – all in the name of crowning one macro-fuelled milk drinker the ultimate Swole Santa. From timed planks to a milk-chug challenge to an all-out sack race that turned Santa’s signature accessory into a full high-performance sport, these challenges were not for the faint of heart.
Barone presided over the competition like the myth-busting queen that she is and ultimately decided there would be two Swole Santa winners, crowning N8 Royster of Brooklyn, NY and Phil Montana of Sound Beach, NY, the 2025 Swole Santa Champions.
The Swole Santa champions received a custom sash and a ceremonial “gallon of milk” check along with the prestigious premiere title and a reminder that milk doesn’t just accompany cookies, it helps build the physique of legends.
