Creator platform, Patreon, has recreated Santa. He’s a lot less jolly and a lot less good. In fact, he’s downright bad and really rather angry. Patreon is moving in on his turf. “I’ve always considered myself a jolly guy, but it ain’t all hot cocoa and mistletoe,” he states. “We got new distributors chiselling in on my turf, telling people to buy their own gifts. And some bald sugar plumb with a website thinks he can squeeze my cookies.”
Santa (aka comedian and actor, Stavros Halkias) is (ironically) threatening people not to give Patreon for Christmas in two-minute rant, that includes tirades about Patreon such as, “Do these pricks know who they’re dealing with? I’m in a group chat with Baby Jesus and the Easter Bunny. I’m the miracle on thirty f*ckin’ fourth street!”.
Don’t Gift Patreon was directed by directed by comedian and filmmaker, Daniel Thrasher, and launched on Patreon’s YouTube page and is also running across Halkias’ Instagram page, and Thrasher’s Instagram and YouTube pages.
The campaign includes a website, https://santahatespatreon.com/, with a message from Santa to Patreon that reads:
Dear Patreon,
I am jolly, i like peace. I like lists. things i invented: overnight delivery, joy, living off grid. i built this from nothing, i do this for free. I MADE this website
For 100s of years i am santa. It’s simple, we have a system. Patreon, you are 12, you think you can do MY job? leave the gifting to me, why risk it, you have ur hole life ahead of you. Remember: Ur not the first to mess with christmas. Dot com bubble? Popped. Malls? Leveled. DTC beds? Sleeping with fishes. Would be a real shame if something happen to your little webpage. i’m asking real nice, leave gifting to me. EMAILS dont below under trees!!!
You computer hippies think you can get people to gift your pondcasts, gift your arty creator crap? then you got another thing coming, you and your 300000 creators, all OF YOU! you know how i see you when you’re sleeping, i see you when you’re awake? that’s because I KNOW where you LIVE. im watching your “website” too so if you think your going to be sneaky just know my elves are EVERYWHERE, lots of them. (if ur not patreon do NOT go to this link or else you’ll be on MY LIST too and you don’t want that)
Watch your back PATREON, stay out of my turf
you have been WARNED
