Len wanders into self-doubt territory while working on a washing powder brief – always a bad place for a creative to be. Will is working on the same brief. (Robots think they’re so smart.) It gets competitive. (No surprises there.) Whose work wins? Keep reading…
(Note: The Last Copywriter’s images are all by Jade Mitchell. She’s not a robot.)
8 April 2041
Am still working on that washing powder brief. I’ve got to admit, it’s harder without Albie. We worked together for so long, I never really knew where the ideas came from – whether they were his, or mine, or both. And to be honest, it never really mattered. They were just our ideas, and if clients’ reactions and awards are anything to go by, the ideas were pretty good. Now I’m starting to wonder whether most of them were Albie’s. I just can’t seem to get into a groove on my own. I think the pressure of knowing that they’ve put Will on the same brief might be getting to me too. Bob & Jed were crowded around Will’s screen this morning. I heard them laughing, and went over and lurked silently behind them as a succession of headlines churned out onto the screen:
Whiter than white
Dazzling, sparkling and bright
Washing that’s hung like your man
(Jed snickered)
No more dirty talk
(Jed snickered again and I felt like rabbit-punching him. Bob nodded approvingly: “Getting there Will, getting there”. There was a pause, and a new line flickered up:)
Keep it Clean
“That’s the one!” Jed & Bob high fived each other “Thanks Will. That was 5 minutes from brief to line – booh fuckin yeah.” Bob hit the keyboard to lock it in.
“You honestly buy that line?” I asked, betraying my lurking to them.
“Yeah, why?” I could already see Jed doing the defensive thing he does whenever pushed to defend a creative idea. “I’m just surprised that the best you can get out of your uber-mensch copywriting machine is a smutty pun” I replied, “I thought puns died out with press ads”. As I walked off, I heard Jed say to Bob, “How’s Keep it Clean a pun anyway?”
I sat at my desk, knowing what was coming, and sure enough, ten minutes later they were over. Bob hung back, sending Jed in to do the “softly-softly cajole the temperamental human creative” dirty work:
Jed: “Len, we need your help. You know Will’s great at lines, but he’s not quite there with scripts yet.”
Me: “What about Pablo?”
Jed: “He’s banging out m-recs right now. And he doesn’t do words, only pictures.”
Me: “So why me?”
Jed: “You’re the only writer we have left.”
Me: “And because…”
Jed: “You’re so fucking childish.”
Me: “Yes, a human man-child with a sensitive soul; because…”
(Come on Jed, just say it!)
Jed: “Because you’re better than Will.”
Me: “Thank you.”
Jed: “For now”.
VIDEO SCRIPT 45”: Keep it Clean
We open on a clichéd 1950s style American housewife – Janie – in her dazzlingly clean, perfect home. There’s a pile of perfectly folded laundry in front of her that she’s admiring with a beatific smile. Then she spots something and snatches a blouse from the top of the pile. She holds it up to the light and her smile turns to concern then anger as we see a subtle brownish stain on the material. Janie snarls and curses but the curse is beeped out:
SFX: BEEP!
We cut to a teenage boy pulling his soccer jersey out of his bag in the changing rooms. He sees a big blotchy stain on it. He curses but the curse is beeped out:
SFX: BEEP!
We cycle through a quick montage of a variety of different people of varying demographics and ethnicities cursing as they discover stains on their clothing:
SFX: BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!…
Finally, we cut back to Janie in her perfect home. She’s rewashed the blouse, this time using Omatic Ultra. She picks it up, shakes out the folds in slo-mo and holds it up to the light. It’s stainless. Janie let’s out a cry of triumphant delight that is tempered by a carefully placed SFX.
JANIE: Fu..BEEP!..ing Beautiful!
VO/SUPER: Keep it Clean with Omatic Ultra.
CUT
Stick that in your fucking AI pipe and smoke it.
Catch up with the whole story:
Len Moise has a website. Find him here.
